Madonnas and Bitches

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Let’s talk about sexual stereotypes!

devil-and-angel-on-deviantart

It is true that theoretically I know a lot about the stereotypes in which men put each woman they meet. Although I hope that sexual revolution has done its job to erase this way of thinking, in reality I still notice that almost every man can put every woman he knows in one of these two unconscious categories. Very often the Madonna for one is a bitch for another. This is completely understandable because nobody is one or the other, every woman is kind of both at the same time.

First of all, this way of thinking persists because it is deeply rooted in the collective unconscious mind and there is not enough feminism in the world (yet) that can erase it that quickly. It will take a few generations to be changed. Men with more developed emotional intelligence learn how to avoid trusting these stereotypes but very often they remain there after all.

Even though it is common for many men to separate women in these two categories, this could cause problems in their relationships on a later stage.

Someone might argue that this is more of a cultural topic rather than psychological, but the emotional relationships in the family experienced in the early childhood of the boy is the main reason why as a grown man he will establish these categories. A cold and distant mother, for instance, can be the cause of inferiority complex of a son who never felt loved. Later this same boy may develop unhealthy relationships, worshiping some women and being disgusted by others.

The Madonna

She is the saint – the woman who embodies the image of his mother (she doesn’t have to be her copy, but there are always some similarities). She might be also a reflection of a maternal figure, not necessarily the biological mother. She is the woman who educates, the one that puts boundaries, the one who says “No”, the strict one, the one who is not very sexually active, frigid, or maybe attracted by another man. This is the woman that assumes the position of wife and mother of his children, the one who can makes this man happy or sad with just one word.

The Bitch

This is the easy woman, the fun woman, the sexual creature. She is the one who enjoys and shares his sexual desires. She is the orgasmic woman, the desirable one and the one after whom he lusts. She is also a reflection of everything dirty, carnal, and erotic. She is an incarnation of his own libido, a projection of the darkest part of his soul, the one who is closest to him, who truly knows him, but at the same time she is the one he rejects.

Some men just give up and chose one of these women. The reasons could vary. Some romantic souls will go through their life hoping that She – the saint will one day notice them. The cynics would rather lose themselves in a parade of pointless sexual encounters. Some chose to lie and live a dual life – marring the saint and having affairs. Others just don’t know what they want and get confused by their own desires. They can’t establish a relationship with the women who attracts them sexually, because unconsciously they assume that they are unworthy, at the same time they can’t be sexual with the women they love.

My advice to all men and women is to question constantly these categories.

Leave aside the roles that you have assumed and be honest with each other! No matter what archaic values dictate you, remember that every man needs both of these figures embodied in One woman. In order to achieve it, he has to know what his desires and fears are and how to express them in a healthy way.

Men, you can be tender and sexual, emotionally intelligent, knowledgeable and aware of your deepest needs, issues and wishes.

Women, each one of you deserves a man like this. As soon as you stop serving the stereotypes and leave the games and the masks aside, he will be there for you.

Just love and lust each other!

 

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