“Things I was sorry for:
1. I was sorry for lying.
I was sorry for lying and misleading so to make my way to what I wanted in any aspect of life. Lying had taken me an unnecessary amount of resources and effort. My way had been much longer and turbulent than it could have been if I had just followed the truth.
What I learned: Accept that you would not always fit into society, business, or family; and it does not mean that there is anything wrong with either. The truth is easier and highly valued in any perception, belief, or cultural system.
2. I was sorry for feeling guilty.
Guilt has paved my world with restrictions. Guilt had made me an unpleasant company. I felt guilt for not helping my loved ones enough, for spending money, for not contributing to the world become a better place, for being unhealthy, for all the wrongs and rights I did that were not enough to make the life of others better. I had been feeling guilty for feeling guilty.
What I learned: Guilt is a bad advisor, but a good teacher. You might indeed be guilty of all kind of things, but do not allow guilt guide your decisions in life. Instead, use your guilt to detect what really matters to you and to determine your personal values.
3. I was sorry for not saying and not showing how I felt.
I was sorry for having episodic moments of braveness to express my frustration, my pain, or my love. I was sorry for not realizing it earlier. As a result later on, once I started revealing how I felt, the guilt and the desire to lie completely disappeared. I just didn’t need them anymore.
What I learned: The freedom of trusting yourself starts with a simple act of fearlessly expressing yourself.
4. I was sorry for not trying to see things from different points of view.
I was very sorry for not being tolerant enough to try to recognize different points of view. It was limiting and made me selfish and asocial.
What I learned: By letting others share their perspectives and by accepting that there are different perceptions, you will grow an ever-expanding inner world of unforeseen dimensions.
5. I was sorry for allowing myself to die.
I was sorry for letting the world down by allowing myself to die. If I had come to it and if I had survived for all that time, I had the responsibility to live. Nobody could really tell whether I would succeed or not, but I had no right to betray the reason to live.
What I learned: We cannot advance if we keep failing to fulfill our basic needs and if we keep ignoring what we know and what we are capable of. Follow your instinct to survive, and if you lose it, go back to your sane self and try again. Trust your body, trust your intellect, give yourself enough credit and understand that you are the most intelligent creature you will ever get to manage. Trust that, paradoxically, we are all part of the problem and we are all the solution.
I learned that I have a lot to learn still, and so we all do.”
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