If we were to believe all the internet “wisdom” that circulates around the social media, we would think that “we should spare time for the people who love us unconditionally, and not the ones who are interested in us when the conditions are right”, also “not to feel sorry for lost friend because if a friend betrayed us this friendship never existed”, and so on and so forth.
We might conclude that there is a small group of people who will be always there for us no matter what, and another group of people who just wait for something horrible to happen in our life so they can step on us an betray us in the worst possible moment. And until this moment comes there in no possible way to distinguish them.
Do you realize how wrong this concept about friendship is? You can’t live your life constantly trying to test which friends are true and which ones aren’t. In real life, all the people you know don’t compete for the prize “who cares most about your stupid problems”. Life is not a challenge for your strength to cope with difficulties nor a competition between your friends on who can solve most of your problems for you. Life is just a series of consecutive events (good or bad it is up to your interpretation). These events just happen, nobody wants to hurt you intentionally, and nobody wants to leave you alone in a hard moment, these things just happen sometimes.
Life brings us surprises all the time. Sometimes things will seem much more terrible in your mind than they actually are. This doesn’t make them less traumatic for you but it is understandable that some people wouldn’t take seriously some issue of yours if they don’t know the details and the circumstances that make you so distressed. If you don’t talk about your issues probably many people won’t even notice that there is something wrong. Sometimes people who love you a lot won’t be available physically or emotionally because their mind could be occupied with powerful feelings of sadness or happiness. Something in their own life might be making it impossible to pay attention to yours. You can’t blame them for it.
You can’t keep a score! This will only lead to real conscious rejection from your friends’ side. “How many times I was there for you… how many times you were there for me…” – this is a ridiculous concept of friendship. If someone doesn’t feel the urge to be next to you in this very moment, for this exact issue, his/her attention won’t be helpful anyway.
Don’t force people to pay you attention. If you don’t hide your feelings of pain and sorrow someone will come by his/her own will and if nobody comes, well you are the one who solves your own issues anyway.
If someone asks you for more than you can give just apologize. Lying that you will help is more damaging than explaining why you are not capable of helping right now. Accept that people will deny you their support too, and this is ok, because you are not the center of the universe!
Let life surprise you. In some of the most difficult moments I have received great support from people who I barely knew at that time, and then they have become some of my closest friends in the world. Sometimes I have been giving more than I have received from a relationship with a friend, in other occasions it was the other way around. But I never kept score!
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