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My formal education to become a shrink lasted 14 years. There is a cliché that says “People study psychology so they can understand what is wrong with them.” While I have always seen myself as a moderately crazy and generally well-adjusted person, I always hated this claim.
Nevertheless, just recently I realized why I have been seeking more and more knowledge about the human mind in philosophy, psychology and psychoanalysis.
I realized that there is one huge gap in my well-being that can’t be easily described with words. It was doomed to stay undiscovered until recently when, for some reason, I started questioning my motive to know more about People.
I never managed to fit in. This caused trouble during my youth. I have made some major decisions based on the feeling of “not fitting in” and not being “at my place.” This went on and on, but I can sincerely tell you that I have been so lucky. My choices to move to different countries and meet interesting people have made my life rich and I have no regrets. But I have also found myself in (let’s phrase it like this) bad company, due to my eternal seeking. Luckily (again due to the feeling of not fitting in) I moved forward and left these toxic environments, but I might have stayed.
The point is…be kind to your fear of never fitting in. Accept and embrace it because it might never go away. If you are a strange, non-conformist with a seeking, curious personality; you probably already know that whatever you do can’t get you beyond this pile of garbage that is “ordinary life” (whatever that means for you).
This is OK! Trust me! You can still have meaningful friendships, passionate lovers and great love stories to tell your grandchildren. However, you may never feel totally “IN.” And this is also OK because nobody actually fits perfectly in anything.
What you see is just your imagination telling you that there actually is “in” and “out.” If you want so badly to feel included, you will need to focus on people one by one. There is not a whole, and the eagerness to join it will lead you nowhere.
Do you need professional help?
First published in Kind Over Matter