Love Is Always Reciprocal?

1 minute read

In an interview, the French psychoanalyst philosopher Jacques-Alain Miller was reminded of Jacques Lacan’s frequently quoted phrase: “Love is always reciprocal”.

What does that mean? asks the interviewer…

“This phrase is repeated without understanding it,” answers Miller, “or it is understood the other way around. It does not mean that it is enough to love someone in order to be loved back. That would be absurd.

It means: “If I love you, you are lovable. It is I the one who is in love, but you, too, are involved, since there is something in you that makes me love you. It is reciprocal because there is a back and forth motion: the love I have for you is the side effect of the “cause of love” that you are for me. Therefore, you have something to do with it. My love for you is not only my business, but also yours. My love says something about you that perhaps you yourself do not know.”

This in no way assures that the love of one will be reciprocated by the love of the other: when this happens it is always in the realm of the miracle, it cannot be calculated in advance.”

Do you listen to the people who love you?

Do  you find it difficult to understand how they love you, or on the contrary, you demand to be loved by default?

Do you spend too much time thinking what the others want from you, rather than understanding and nurturing what is truly lovable in you?

I will leave this post open to your interpretations.

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