2 minute read
Today being independent is almost axiomatically considered to be one of the best qualities which anyone could have. Parents are proud with their independent children; managers promote their employees who take initiative independently.
There is nothing new I can say about the independence, nevertheless…
… there is more to add to it and it is the subjective need for independence versus the need for connection.
I teach people how to be independent all the time, and I am grateful for being able to cultivate this quality in myself and even if I didn’t have it, I would be putting all my efforts in developing it more and more.
And yet, how independent a person should be? Is there some optimal level of independence, or more is always better?
Personal independence is never unlimited. You can always become wealthier, more successful, happier, more in love or loved, but after certain point you can’t become more independent. Craving for unlimited independence is unhealthy for many reasons.
More and more people share with me facts from their life which make me think that they have reached that healthy independence bar and gone far beyond it. Those people often take all the initiative at work and at home, they are not willing to share the responsibilities with others, they even believe that their and their families’ financial future depends solely on them. They believe that if they don’t do something it will never be done. They are stressed, exhausted, burned out and utterly unhappy, but they can’t stop doing what they do and they refuse to ask for help.
Is this familiar to you?
In my opinion, it is quite enough to reach some certain level of financial and emotional stability, in order not to be with people just because you need them for your survival. But this is all the independence you will ever need.
Do you feel dependent from the people you love? In a way, you should be sometimes. Show them that you rely on them, show them that you are happy that they are there for you. Even when it is obvious that you can do without some person, you could remind him/her existence gives you even more strength and courage.
Just make sure that you have some financial and emotional backup in case of separation or losing your job and then start being grateful for the people who care enough to help you when you are down. Because in some moments you will be, and it is fine.
Everyone needs to be helpful and necessary, don’t take this feeling away from people who love you just because you are strong enough to take care of everything.
Do you need professional help?