Recently I have been discussing this topic with many of my friends and some of my clients and, honestly, I don’t have a definite opinion about it. Maybe it will be disappointing for you, but I really can’t give general advice on infidelity, since the reasons for it are so broad. Each case is so unique, unique like the personalities of the people who are involved in it. Nevertheless, I’d like to share some thoughts about this unpleasant experience.
First of all I wonder if there are still people who believe in everlasting love. Call me a cynic but I am convinced that it is just a childish illusion. On the other hand cheating could be very hurtful for your partner and totally unnecessary if you are in a healthy relationship.
Is cheating a big deal or just an insignificant obstacle for the good relationship?
The truth is somewhere in the middle.
People cheat for different reasons. There is not one general reason why some people cheat. Sometimes even the same person chests for different reasons every time. Some of the possible causes are the routine in the relationship, the trill to try something new, the unbearable desire for another person or general unhappiness. The lack of love and respect for the partner is just one of the possible triggers.
Women cheat just as much as men do. Cheating is not man’s territory, maybe it used to be 50 years ago, but not now. The choice to be or not to be faithful is a personal choice. Some people are more disposed to do it, mostly because they have done it already and there were no negative consequences for their relationships. Other people know that if they get caught their relationship will end and the excitement of the risk triggers their libido.
Ask yourself, if in our world where women and men are equal, no one is financially dependant by the other and the kids are not a reason to stay together no matter what, then why some marriages still manage to overcome infidelity. People know that a civilized divorce is much better option than a dramatic painful marriage, even for their kids. If everyone is more or less free to move on then why people would consciously choose to forgive? If it happens to you what would make you forgive? If you are the one who cheated, what is your excuse? Seriously do you believe that it is valid enough?
I believe that the key to overcome infidelity is love and respect between the partners. Also if they discuss the possibility to have open relationship occasionally, cheating won’t be the worst thing that could happen to their relations. The key is to know better the drives that make you cheat and discuss them with the partner. Acknowledging the other person’s feelings and being empathic is essential for overcoming such situations. This is an advice for both parties.
Just remember – there are not perfect people as there are not perfect relationships. Whether or not infidelity would be a cause for a separation depends on you. You both should decide to forget forgive and move on, together as a couple or not.