If It Hurts, You Are Not Doing It Right


Today I heard a very passionate confession about love. In summary it said that if it is true, it always hurts. When it is mutual, it hurts because you just care so much about the other person, when it is not – it hurts like hell for obvious reasons. Everything that your partner do could be a source of pain no matter if it is intentional or not, longing for someone hurts, separation hurts, breaking up hurts a lot etc, etc. And the guy, who told it, truly believed that you should be crazy to do it this to yourself.

No, no, no! You’ve got it all wrong! If it hurts so much you aren’t making it right. Love and affection is not a continuous source of pain or at least it is not supposed to be. Even if you look at it from evolutionary perspective. There can’t be a feeling that we all feel but it is completely useless because it makes us vulnerable and weak all the time.

Love and desire for human contact (even for one night only) is a reflection of the social nature of the human being. It has its roots in the care and affection received from our parents in the early childhood and we are supposed to transmit it to our children one day. It is not a mindless act of exposing to a physical and psychological danger.

If for some reason you are one of the people who believe that their relationships are a source of genuine suffering, I would suggest you to see a therapist and work on the issues that caused all the pain over and over again. It is OK to reach for help if you need it but you shouldn’t feel like this most of the time and you can’t blame it to love.

Even breakups could be overcome relatively easy if you know very well why the relationship is ending, what went wrong and why this is not the appropriate person for you. At this point you will be hurt, you will have seen better days, but you can’t blame all your exes for all the suffering in your own life.

Just put yourself together and find out what makes you suffer every time you are in love. This is the only way you will be able to truly enjoy the pleasures which love brings you.

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