Happiness is something that you DO… by yourself. It requires time, energy, self-consciousness. Nobody can just give it to you as a present. It is something you fight for each day. And of course, you can’t give it to another person either.
Unconditional love is the maximum you can give to another person, while support, compassion and understanding is the absolute minimum, you owe to the people you love, but you are not able to bring happiness to anyone who is unable to achieve it.
You want to look in someone’s eyes and see that you have chased away all of his/her worries, torments and fears? Well, you can’t. Don’t wish to become a savior, because all you can do is to be a reliable support for the one who is ready to rely on you. And yet, this is a lot!
Quality relationships are a mutual dynamic, in which two or more people share equal support and compassion. It makes them stronger, but if one of them is incapable of taking good care of him/herself I truly doubt that he/she will become more functional in a relationship with another person.
If you feel that your partner is incapable of taking care of her/himself and you only stay in this relationship because of guilt and responsibility, in the end nobody is benefiting from this relationship.
I don’t claim that one quarter of my readers should break up with their partners now. Of course, everyone has issues, but if you feel that the other person just doesn’t take care of his/her problems, you’d better start pushing this person in the right direction by giving all your support but at the same time stimulating him/her to work on these issues.
This is also true for the relationships between parents and grownup children, best friends, close relatives, etc.
Remember that the best gift you can give to the people you love is their independence. Are you ready to do it?
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