“There are no decent men left” – said a friend of mine after many unfortunate attempts to find one.
“You know what? At the age of 30 and above all the guys who are still single have a part missing” – said another friend (guy 35 and single).
Well, yes but… it is not true that men are fewer; the truth is that men and women at the same ages often are in different places in their lives and at the age of 30 it is just more obvious than ever.
Girls set the rules at the age between 15 and 25. This is just the moment when they are most desired, at this age they are usually best looking, most energetic, most attractive and they know it! Strangers buy them drinks and their boyfriends adore them. They often feel more powerful than the guys. Good times indeed. Love life at this age seems perfect, but what happens when the woman turns 30?
30 is the man’s decade. At this age men are financially independent (but women still don’t target them just for their money); their hair, their dick and their belly are still on the right places. They often look better now than 10 years ago; they don’t live in dirty dorms; they don’t play video games all night long – they use all that time to hit on girls. Many of them know how lucky they are.
Maybe I’m just describing two stereotypes but let’s face it, stereotypes sometimes are true. And while men are usually OK with aging (not always but this is the topic of another article), women become less and less confident. They fear rejection much more than before and become much more self-conscious. This is normal, it happens to everybody at some point. Maybe you are such a girl. You gained 4-5 kilos you notice the first wrinkles, the first white hair, maybe you feel young but there is a voice at the back of your head which screams hysterically “You will die alone!!”
What the hell is happening?!
Under that pressure many women commit the following mistakes:
You might focus too much on your career (which itself is not a bad thing). It can bring you independence, financial benefits, social status and after all more confidence. Nevertheless it is known that the good career doesn’t compensate for the unsatisfactory personal life. Just try to keep the balance between work and leisure. If you don’t show up at work for 10 days without excuse you will be fired right? Well what do you thing will happen to your personal life if you constantly neglect it?
Some girls make the opposite mistake. They decide to get married after X years. Is this some kind of target? Don’t you think that this is unattractive and needy, especially if you are already imaging your wedding with a guy you have seen twice?
Just imagine the following picture. You are twenty years old and you have been to two dates with a cute boy your age. You are attracted to each other, you share many interests and you really like him. Well, you are also dating two other guys but you don’t feel the same attraction to them. There is one other guy who is just sooo hot, but you have slept with him once and he doesn’t respond to your calls and you are pretty sure that he won’t call back.
The third date is amazing the cute guy kicked out his roommates, you are alone, you watch a movie, you talk up to 5am and you make great sex. On the very next day you stop picking the phone when the other guys call you, yet you don’t inform them that someone special came around.
On the fourth date your guy spends his entire monthly scholarship for good restaurant and flowers, he wears uncomfortable but stylish clothes in order to impress you. He is anxious and behaves strangely. He goes to the bathroom every 15 min to fix his hair.
On the fifth date he introduces you to his older sister. She has a daughter. He loves watching you play with the little girl and constantly mentions what a great mother you will be. You feel a little sick because the little bastard is exhausting and on the top of all she spills hot chocolate on your new top.
Your boyfriend tells you that you are the love of his life, but all you think about is how to get away from this creep. You block his number and never call him again. You start dating one of the other guys.
Do you understand now why some of your most promising dates recently have disappeared? Isn’t it possible that you have scared them out? Isn’t it too early to talk about family to someone you have seen twice? For god’s sake! You don’t know this man.
And last but not least – my favorite and most epic fail – when you totally lower your criteria. You can’t blame the successful guys that the only goal in their lives is not having a baby with you within one or two years. And suddenly, for some ridiculous reason you decide that the problem is in the decent guys. Then you lower your expectations so much that you find yourself waiting anxiously by the phone for someone to call (someone you would never consider dating just two years ago).
Yes, the problem is in you – not in the age, the wrinkles or the white hair. It is you – your neediness, your fears and your low self esteem.