3 minute read
“There are not any decent men left” – said a friend of mine after many unfortunate attempts to find one.
“You know what? At the age of 30 and above all the guys who are still single have a part missing” – said another friend (guy 35 and single).
Well, yes but… it is not true that men are fewer; the truth is that men and women at the same ages often are in different places in their lives and at the age of 30 it is just more obvious than ever.
Girls set the rules at the age between 15 and 25. This is just the moment when they seem most desired, and the reason is not that at this age they are best looking or more energetic. It is more of a power game. Strangers buy them drinks and their boyfriends adore them. They often feel more powerful than the guys. Good times indeed. Love life at this age seems perfect, but what happens when the woman turns 30?
30 seems like the age when men finally can decade. At this age they are financially independent (but women still don’t target them just for their money); their hair, their dick and their belly are still on the right places. They often look better now than 10 years ago; they don’t live in dirty dorms; they don’t play video games all night long. Many of them know how lucky they are.
Maybe I’m just describing two stereotypes but let’s ask ourselves why stereotypes appear on first place. And while men are usually OK with aging (not always but this is the topic of another article), women become less and less confident. They fear rejection much more than before and become much more self-conscious. This is normal, it happens to everybody at some point. Maybe you are such a girl. You gained 5-10 kilos you notice the first wrinkles, the first white hair, maybe you feel young but there is a voice at the back of your head which screams “You will die alone!!”
What the hell is happening?!
Under that pressure you and most women around you may commit one the following mistakes:
You might focus way too much on your career (which itself is not a bad thing but the devil is in the details). It will bring you independence, financial benefits, social status and after all more confidence. Just in the meanwhile try to keep the balance between work and leisure. If you don’t show up at work for a month without excuse you will be fired right? Well what do you thing will happen to your private life if you constantly neglect it? Use the confidence you have gained at work in your social life!
Some girls make the opposite mistake. They decide to get married after X years. Is this some kind of target? You can’t plan for marriage the same way you plan for the next quarter. Isn’t it too early to talk about family to someone you have seen twice? For god’s sake! You don’t know this man. You needed time to get to know somebody new in your 20s and you need it now as well.
And last but not least – my favorite and most epic fail – when you totally lower your criteria. You have a few bad dates and suddenly, for some ridiculous reason you decide that the problem is in the decent guys. Then you lower your expectations so much that you find yourself waiting anxiously by the phone for someone to call (someone you would never consider dating just two years ago).
Maybe you fall for the wrong type, but take your time to analyze what you really want and why the men you have been dating so far aren’t the right people for you. Then reevaluate, but don’t just go for someone who you don’t really like.
Do you need professional help?