“Being Good In Bed” – What Does It Even Mean?!?

6 min read

My male friends and counseling clients often ask me what women want during sex. Well, telling just one thing is like claiming that there is one sexual position that is simply the best. It’s not that simple!


But then again, some men are just better lovers. What makes them good? Well, here are a few points that could shine light on this topic:


No matter if they admit it or not, most good lovers pay a lot of attention to the methods and practices for giving their girl maximum pleasure. Sometimes they read tons of literature; sometimes they consult Google or watch educational programs. Sometimes they just ask their female friends, what their boyfriend did last night to make them look so happy before the first coffee early in the morning. And sometimes even a quick visit to the local sex shop and a brief conversation with the saleslady could reveal to them an unknown detail about the female anatomy. For instance, you could ask which sex toy is most commonly used by the women who visit the shop and why. If this is too personal there are online reviews posted by women throwing light on the topic.

One can also rely on scientific knowledge of female sexuality. My recommendation is to read “Come As You Are: The Surprising New Science That Will Transform Your Sex Life” by Emily Nagoski, a sex educator and researcher. The book primarily focuses on female sexuality, and it contains valuable insights that can benefit men and their sexual experiences.

One of the key takeaways for men from this book is the importance of understanding and embracing individual differences in sexual response. Nagoski explains that sexual arousal is a complex process that varies from person to person and is influenced by a variety of factors including stress, mood, and physical health. She emphasizes the need for men to communicate openly with their partners and to understand that sexual desire can fluctuate and change over time.

Another important lesson from the book is the importance of intimacy and emotional connection in sexual relationships. Nagoski argues that men, like women, benefit from feeling emotionally connected to their partners during sex. She encourages men to engage in non-sexual forms of intimacy such as cuddling and hugging and to prioritize open communication and mutual respect in their relationships.

Finally, the book emphasizes the importance of prioritizing pleasure in sexual experiences. Nagoski argues that women (and men too), can benefit from focusing on pleasure and exploring their own bodies and sexual desires. She encourages women to experiment with different forms of sexual stimulation and to prioritize their own pleasure as well as their partner’s. A lover who encourages a woman’s pleasure can be significantly different from others in essential ways.


All women are different and each one likes a different set of things. In a long-term relationship, most of your girlfriend’s desires are probably not a secret for you anymore. But even on a first date, you could grasp some important details that could be useful. You should pay close attention to the conversation; for sure she will reveal some spicy details about her sexual preferences. If she likes you a lot she will probably open such a topic at some point, so be prepared! In the conversation, she will reveal if she is a romantic person, a party type, or a real adrenalin addict. This will help you with the next step.

Nevertheless “what women expect from me” is not the most important question here. A man can also deepen his understanding of the deeper psychological context of his sexuality. “Fire in the Belly: On Being a Man” is a book written by American author and social activist Sam Keen. It is not primarily focused on sex, but rather on exploring the various aspects of masculinity and the challenges and responsibilities that come with being a man. That being said, there are some sections in the book that touch on sexuality and sexual identity. For instance, Keen talks about the idea of “the wounded masculine” which he describes as a state where men are disconnected from their feelings and emotions, including their sexual desires. He argues that healing this wounded state requires men to embrace their sexuality healthily and respectfully. Keen also writes about the importance of communication and mutual respect in sexual relationships. He encourages men to be honest and open with their partners about their sexual desires and boundaries, while also being receptive to their partner’s needs and preferences.


Sexologists often say that sex begins the moment you arrive on your date (or come back home to your spouse).

The first kiss is essential but it is not the final sentence. In my opinion, being a good kisser is a natural talent – you either have it or not. Just relax and be yourself! Kisses will be a fascinating part of the flirt, especially if she is already very into you. But it is not all about getting excited. Making out will give you essential information about what she likes in bed too. Pay attention, does she tremble when you touch her gently? Does she get crazy when you grab her strongly? Does she prefer to take the initiative? You will be much better if you already know what she likes. And you will!

One thing is sure, the best lovers show a genuine desire for intimacy and convert sex in an unforgettable and meaningful experience. Forget the uncertainties, just relax and make it happen!

Want to chat about this article? Leave a comment below or send me an email with your thoughts and don’t forget to like us on Facebook.

Do you want to chat about this article? Leave a comment below or send me an email with your thoughts and don’t forget to like us on Facebook.