When it is actually a good thing to lose all your hope

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From time to time I get the impression that there are things not worthy fighting for. It could be a dead end job, a bad relationship, crave for the attention of people who just don’t care. Just let it go!

losing hope

I will often tell you in this blog to fight for your dreams but please be objective and do your best to evaluate your dreams carefully. Are you really suited for them?

Sometimes you are obsessed with a dream but you don’t realize what you are obsessed for. The result might look amazing to you but you are not prepared to suffer to achieve it. Maybe you would like to become famous actor, but are you ready to spend 20 hours a day on the stage for rehearsals? Maybe the life of the movie stars seems easier, but are you ready to be objectified and followed wherever you go? Or you dream to be a bad ass lawyer but you have bad memory and you just can’t make it through the law school? It is OK to give up!

If you are only in love with the fantasy of achieving something without any real life proof that you are able to achieve it and you are willing to go through the tough path of actually doing it… well, let it go!

The period of grief

I will take for example the bad relationships. You probably think that the other will change; you probably hope that your love is strong enough and you will put up with all the shit that you receive, well one day you will have to grow a pair and give it up forever.

Why is it important? Psychology shows us that the grief is this tough period from the moment you lose something or someone dear to you and the moment when you can go on with your life again. From my experience it should last 1 to 3 months. It is not a coincidence that the grief period in some religions is 40 days. Although you will miss this person forever, the initial terrible pain is temporal. This period of grief is the time that your brain needs to assume the loss and the absence and go on, achieving inner peace and acceptance of the unfortunate event. It is relevant to all kinds of loss, and if it works when you lose a beloved person it will work for all the insignificant drama in your life, trust me!

It is a bad sign if it takes you more than 2 or 3 months to calm yourself and go on with your life after you lose someone or something and you find yourself incapable of calm down. I would suspect that there is a high probability that you haven’t given up the idea of achieving what you initially wanted.

It is OK to re-evaluate your chances of changing the approach and finally get it, but you can’t do the same thing expecting a different result (in the case of loss of a dear person obviously you can’t bring him/her back but you can figure out what you would tell this person if you could, work alone or with therapist on achieving inner peace, because there are probably things left unsaid). In any other case, you can see if there is any potential rise of your chances to achieve what you want and if there isn’t – GIVE UP!

Only by giving it up forever you will get yourself free from emotional baggage of past relationships and traumatic events. There is no matter what would/could have happened – it didn’t happen and that is all! Give up all your hope to make it one day and focus on what else you can do with your life.

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