4 minute read
Have you ever met a charming person, perfect in any other aspect but the way he/she talks about the exes? I really don’t want to be the one who is gonna tell you but…
I strongly believe that the problems will be just starting with it. Feeling such a strong hatred towards all the people we’ve been in relationship with, no matter how serious they were is just the tip of the iceberg. I don’t tell you to stay away from such people, but just be more conscious about the reasons why all their relationships were complete disasters.
Going around telling everyone how perfect all your exes were and what a terrible mistake was losing them is not really sane, isn’t it? Then why would it be the opposite extreme – blaming all your exes for all your problems. This is not something that a conscious and stable person would do and if you or your beloved do it, you should probably ask why; or maybe even seek some help.
The truth is that almost no one is so terrible, and the breakups are never nice. Nevertheless it takes two people to break up and each one is a little guilty about it. Maybe there is even no guilty person at all, relationships sometimes just fall apart and there is nothing you can do. It is not the greatest experience but it shall pass. Time puts everything in perspective and if you think that all your exes are worse than the devil himself 2, 3, 6 or more months after the breakup, something could be wrong with you.
But what could it be?
– You might be constantly attracted to the wrong people. It is true that we all make mistakes and fall for someone who is just not for us. This is fine, we make mistakes and we learn from them, but some of us learn faster. Do all men sleep with you then disappear? Do all the women pay you attention only when you buy them expensive presents? Did all your exes cheat on you? And finally, do you truly believe that everyone is the same? Just think about your criteria for the people you date. You certainly underestimate yourself if you believe that it is OK to be treated like this or even if you believe that you will just be treated like this forever. Maybe you truly underestimate people and more importantly – yourself. Find what makes you think so low of yourself fight it then dare to go on a date again.
– Pathological rancor. Do you really remember just the last 3 months of your 4 years long relationship? You remember just the worst time when you were fighting and cheating on each other and you were basically broken up already you just kept being together because of the habit? Most of the relationships end up… end up bad! Live with it. It is never nice when it is over, but when the time passes don’t you remember the good times? Even if you have already learned your lessons and now you know that these people were not for you, don’t you have any memory for the things you liked about your exes and the fun you had together, well you should.
– General anger and bitterness. Do you have all that negative feelings not only about your exes but also for your friends and even some close relatives? Think if there are many cases when you were offended just from a small remark, would you be happy to have friends like yourself, I bet not. And I totally don’t mean that you are unlovable, but if you find yourself difficult to love, there is plenty you can do about it, trust me!
Finally, it is not the end of the world if you or the one you love is like this, these are just problems that can be solved and when it happens it feels great. Admitting them is a huge step towards better and less complicated life.
I don’t claim that there is any benefit in wearing pink glasses all the time, just put off the black ones once in a while.
Do you need professional help?