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Yesterday I read an article about the exciting thrill of not knowing what your man is thinking and how sexy it is to be with a strong, virile macho.
The author claimed that it was actually pleasant to be with a person who you never get to know completely and you can always expect some surprises out of your relationship with him (bad surprises, if you ask me).
I couldn’t argue the existence of enjoyment in not knowing, in projecting your own thoughts on the blank screen of emotionally distant man. But when we talk about masculinity in general, there is some kind of major misunderstanding about what it means to be a “strong man”. Nevertheless, most of the time there is also a major misunderstanding about what it means to be in good mental health, let me start with men.
When your partner never says “I love you”
Shockingly, the first and the most probable cause is the he just doesn’t. There is no need to panic – love and affection develop over time, many people understand that and they need some time to experience the conversion from sexual desire to deeper feelings. Maybe now he seems like “the one” and you want him to tell you that you are “the one” too, but ask yourself, after 10 dates, isn’t it too soon?
At this point your future life together is still imaginary. This is not negative thing per se. We need attraction and imagination to fall in love. Just try to be real with your needs wishes and what you truly see in him, not the positive features that you are projecting on his silent persona.
But what if you have been living together for 3 years?!?
If he still doesn’t say anything… do you really believe that he secretly adores you but he is too scared to say it?
When you have history together, when you both rely on each other and it is reciprocal (there is not a dependent partner in the relationship), when you share everything else, you are supposed to share your feelings too. The man next to you cannot and should not remain a mystery forever.
Some people are more silent indeed, but it is not a sign of masculinity or any kind of exceptional quality. He just leaves more space for your imagination.
If he is not able to figure out and express his feelings and thoughts, he is probably a broken toy; do you think that it is worth to sacrifice your happiness to fix him? Believe me if that is the case you will end up either miserable or bored.
Do you need professional help?