This is not a motivational post, in which I tell you that the pain eventually passes and that true happiness is in the small everyday stuff. Actually, sometimes pain never goes away, sometimes there is no one to share it with.
Everything is temporal, without a reason. It just IS. Life is not static and that’s how it works.
But why is it so important to realize it? It’s simple -because you should get to know your needs and expectations so you won’t become their slave.
What do you actually need? To be safe, connected and fulfilled. But this sounds too general, doesn’t it?
What “feeling safe” means? You feel safe when you know with certainty that you and your beloved ones have food and shelter. It will always mean the same thing and you will always have the same need, but the circumstances and the ways in which you will be able to achieve this security will be different. You can change your job, you can count on your savings, you can change your professional field and obtain different qualification, you can also lower your spent (or permit yourself to spend more when you feel more financially secure). No one can tell you exactly how you should achieve this financial stability. If anyone tries to do so, this is just an opinion. Very often parents try to push their children into some certain field because “money is there”. This is wrong assumption; money is where your best skills are. If you dedicate to a job and become one of the best in the field, money will come eventually. Fashionable professions will come and go, but your will to learn more is the only thing that will make you competitive in a certain field. Would you be willing to constantly learn on a job that you hate?
The temporarily of all opportunities, mistakes and successes force you to be creative and preserve your security no matter what. You will feel safe not because you are meant to succeed most of the times (you are not) but because you have the confidence that every time you fail you can learn a lesson, get up and try again because stability is something that you do, not a feature of the environment you are in.
Feeling connected – what does it mean? From romantic love, to parenting and friendship, the connection with the significant others is also something you don’t get instantly. It is something you develop. I talk about genuine connection, not having 1000 facebook friends.
Some people live under the impression that some particular person will be able to fill all that space and fulfill all our need to feel connected. Indeed, some people will be more important for us from other, but people are also temporal beings. Lovers will come and go, spouses eventually will pass away, children will grow up, and some friends will grow apart. The need to be connected to the others is fulfilled by our ability to open to another living beings, share, support, laugh and cry together. It is not fulfilled because some person just happens to be around.
What is the fulfillment? This is the feeling that you are doing the best with your life. Whatever your purpose and circumstances are. Life, priorities, even the sense of purpose might change, but if you love what you do you will have the overall feeling that you are doing your best and enjoy the results however imperfect they are. This is the difference between feeling content and feeling happy.
Everything else is temporal…
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