This article is really more about my personal opinion and much less about any of the psychological theories that I have been studying. After all, on the question monogamy or polygamy everyone decides for oneself. For instance I have been wondering all my life.
Let’s face it – life is not a fairy tale. Not everything happens according to the best case scenario. It is just impossible. There will be a lot of losses, disappointment and regret, the important thing is to go ahead somehow.
Recently I have been thinking a lot about what makes us brave. After publishing Carolina’s article about the comfort zone, I felt that I should share with you my thoughts and beliefs about courage.
It is difficult to define what makes you, me, or anyone brave. On the one hand, we are not born brave– the obstacles we run into don’t make us brave automatically; the lack of fear doesn’t make us brave. What makes us brave is our reaction to fear. And yet, what really makes us stare into the abyss?
Today I heard a very passionate confession about love. In summary it said that if it is true, it always hurts. When it is mutual, it hurts because you just care so much about the other person, when it is not – it hurts like hell for obvious reasons. Everything that your partner do could be a source of pain no matter if it is intentional or not, longing for someone hurts, separation hurts, breaking up hurts a lot etc, etc. And the guy, who told it, truly believed that you should be crazy to do it this to yourself.
No, no, no! You’ve got it all wrong! If it hurts so much you aren’t making it right. Love and affection is not a continuous source of pain or at least it is not supposed to be. Even if you look at it from evolutionary perspective. There can’t be a feeling that we all feel but it is completely useless because it makes us vulnerable and weak all the time.
Recently I have been discussing this topic with many of my friends and some of my clients and, honestly, I don’t have a definite opinion about it. Maybe it will be disappointing for you, but I really can’t give general advice on infidelity, since the reasons for it are so broad. Each case is so unique, unique like the personalities of the people who are involved in it. Nevertheless, I’d like to share some thoughts about this unpleasant experience.
First of all I wonder if there are still people who believe in everlasting love. Call me a cynic but I am convinced that it is just a childish illusion. On the other hand cheating could be very hurtful for your partner and totally unnecessary if you are in a healthy relationship.
Is cheating a big deal or just an insignificant obstacle for the good relationship?
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Overcoming a tough breakup is not easy but everyone has gone through it at least once and let’s say it – no one ever died of broken heart. Each breakup is unique, so is the relationship preceding it, but there are some Do’s and Don’ts which, I believe, are essential to make it pass. Maybe following this rules the gloomy feelings won’t pass easier, but I can guarantee that they’ll pass a little faster and more importantly – the matter will be definitely settled.
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